The Many

Packing up, moving cities, starting new jobs has produced within me… many emotions, trials and tribulations, stresses, and so on. I’ve found myself frustrated, lost, overwhelmed but completely content on where my life is headed!

I’ll walk you through it.

Over the last four years, I’ve done a lot of pondering. Ponder this. Ponder that. Reverse the thought. Flip it. Re-think it, until I figured out what I wanted my life to be about.

So I applied for graduate school to study my dream field. I was accepted so then I quit my full-time job (which was challenging, but helped shape me into who I am, for that – I’m forever thankful). But then I wondered, “Now what?!” I constantly asked myself, “Was this… a good move?” I obsessed over these thoughts, until I made myself STOP IT.

I started packing up my house, held a super fantastic yard sale, and started preparing for an entirely different-looking life than the one I had been leading. This required a lot of patience and coffee and conversations and support from my family and friends. Day in and day out were full of packing boxes, going through memories, stressful hoops to jump through. I often wondered if this period would ever… go away. I felt completely disheveled (even with amazing people serving as my solid foundation). But it’s an uprooting time! The best thing to do is embrace that, but it isn’t easy for someone like me, who enjoys schedules and plans and organization.

I finally reached the day where I was set to move. I packed everything into my car (literally, not a single bobby pin could have fit into my car) and I moved. Then I found myself in an entirely new city, where I knew no one, with two new roommates and two little kitties, no food, new jobs, packed boxes and chaos! I went to the store, I bought: Wine, Ice cream, Peanut butter and Jelly and bread. Then I sat in my room in the middle of the boxes and just… took a moment. I wasn’t going to let this get to me, though it tried.

As time is passing… I’m starting to feel more comfortable in the space and the new life that I have put into place. These were, in fact, all of my plans. I had actively participated in the happening and materialization of this very moment. The chaos that I was feeling, the anxiety, the stress, is slowly starting to melt away as I realize…

I was creating a lot of my own stress. Mentally, I was creating “problems” (by simply labeling them as such). I was feeding negative energy into these problems, granting them larger space in my mind. I stopped that mess.

I focused on the things that were holding me together instead of the things that were tearing me apart. Leaving my hometown, my family and people who inspire me was difficult. It made my heart ache. But I made myself think of the wonderful new things that I haven’t discovered yet. I am so curious to know who I will meet, what I will do, what I will learn.

I granted myself time to process the changes and learn how to feel comfortable again. It’s a process that everyone travels at different speeds. I move slowly, but I’m getting there. These things take time, and I had to learn to be patient with myself. I work so hard on being patient with others, that I forget to give myself the same luxury.

So here I am! I’ve arrived in a new place and space in my life. The pieces that I’ve been pondering and working so hard to gather are finally falling into place, and I’m excited to see where they lead me. Cheers!

And if you can’t find me in a dance studio or stuck in a book somewhere… I’ll be here, in my new backyard:

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One response to “The Many”

  1. Fred R. Skaggs says:

    You’ve passed one guidepost, and you’re on your way past another. It’t all good. It will be worth it all.

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